Molotov

Opthore wrote:http://www.wowbash.com/

atlasthealmighty: Did I tell you my idea of injecting heroin into your balls, so when you ejaculate, it's heroin... And then the chick will think you just gave her the most amazing orgasm in the world, and she'd become addicted to sex with you
nullphi: i would like to subscribe to your newsletter

<@HEMI> I got in a car accident on the way home from work.
<@HEMI> I rear-ended someone.
<@HEMI> Guy gets out of his car; I get out of mine. He's a dwarf.
<@HEMI> We're sitting there waiting for the police to arrive and he goes, "I'm not happy."
<@HEMI> I said, "so which one are you?"

<Scotty> Oh my fucking God. I just spent the best 20 dollars of my life. On a bet, anyway.
<Scotty> After school, me and my friends went to the drug store.
<Scotty> And my friend brought a box of condoms to the counter.
<Scotty> And she scanned them.
<Scotty> And he acted like he didn't have enough money.
<Scotty> He was like, "Shit, I'll be right back."
<Scotty> So he puts the condoms back, and comes back with a bag of rubber bands in one hand and a box of plastic wrap in the other.
<Scotty> Oh my fucking God
<Scotty> Until the day I die
<Scotty> I will never forget that lady's face.
<DanT> haha
<Scotty> Best bet I've ever lost.

<FelixB> I will never forget seeing our neighbourhood kids jerk off a horse.
<FelixB> These two kids were just completely fascinated by this young stallion's erection.
<FelixB> So they started playing with it.
<FelixB> The horse was enjoying it and just stood there.
<FelixB> The inevitable happenned....all over one of the kids.

<ejc> I should go back to using windows, at least there when something doesn't work, I don't have the illusion that I can fix it

(lawl_) i like my women how i like my wine, 5 years old
(DevilsX) I like women the way I like my filesystem
(DevilsX) FAT and 16

<Greek69> lol grow up asshole
<TwoPairSux> You have "69" at the end of your name and you're talking to me about maturity?
<Greek69> Do you even know what 69 means you fag?
<TwoPairSux> You have "Greek" in your name and you're calling me a fag?

<_static_> I had a dream last night I got fired because my cat called someone a nigger

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML

FML #6494130 wrote:

FML #6494130
http://www.fmylife.com
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML

Nats wrote:

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML

omg haha

<DW>So, I had to get a colonoscopy today
<DW>That's where they stick a camera up your ass and take pictures of your intestines
<Relentless>that's just great
<DW>Anyway, that part wasn't bad, the bad part was the prep for it
<pyr0>which was...
<DW>I didn't eat anything yesterday. Starting at 3 PM I had to drink about 2 liters of this shit that would help clear my intestines out. Basically, from 3 PM until about 12 I had SEVERE abdominal cramps. I mean severe. I'm talking about rolling around on the floor punching shit severe
<DW>Anyway, during this, I started to get horny for some reason
<DW>It was a strange feeling really. Not even being able to stand up because of crippling pains, and yet at the same time, having a raging boner and wanting to jack off
<Relentless>this wont end well
<DW>Anyway, I had been shitting brown water since 3 (that's what the nasty shit I drank did), and I needed to again. But since I had a huge boner I figured I'll take care of it while I'm in the can. So, I'm standing over the toilet cranking one off, and I'm getting the shits, so I sit down. Just before I'm about to cum, I start feeling like I'm going to puke. Now, I had vomit brewing for awhile. You know that feeling you get when you're going to puke? When you start to feel sick and start salivating a lot? I had been getting that since I went to the bathroom. Anyway it built up enough that I started VIOLENTLY and LOUDLY puking. I'm fucking lucky the sink is right next to the toilet. The force of this caused me to begin shooting shit-water out of my ass with the force of a pressure washer. The spasming of my entire body caused my hand to move around enough that I started cumming.
<DW>So after all was said and done, I had a line of fire burning a line from my balls to and up my asscrack, puke in the sink, and cum covering my legs.
<DW>Yeah yesterday was not a good day :\
*LONG pause*
<pyr0>...
<Neo>what the fuck
<SSB>.....
<CT_Frog>o_o
<MMB>You have lived more in that one moment than anyone else in their entire lives

Satrix wrote: To be honest I'd take that personally. The little prick would legally pay for the removal of it or I'd remove his anatomy slowly and painfully. Not that I'm silly enough to get anothers name on me. Well I am planning to get the japanese symbol of my daughters name at some point in the future but I think its safer with kids.

Today, I had a dream I was in World War II. I pulled out a grenade pin with my teeth. I woke up to a screaming girlfriend with a bloody nipple and a ring in my mouth. FML

Today, I was feeling proud of myself because I finally quit World Of Warcraft. I later found out about the gift my dad's family gave me. It was a 12-month subscription to World Of Warcraft. FML