FML

What sort of sandwiches do you have?
Takius
Legendary
Posts:1709
Joined:06 Aug 2007, 00:07
Location:Melbourne's finest Opium den.
Re: FML

Post by Takius » 28 Sep 2009, 15:49

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
Its like bash.org only with less retard.
Once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot xxx galore'. While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour, " 'Tis not possible!", i muttered, " give me back my free hardcore!"..... quoth the server, 404.

Takius
Legendary
Posts:1709
Joined:06 Aug 2007, 00:07
Location:Melbourne's finest Opium den.

Re: FML

Post by Takius » 28 Sep 2009, 15:55

<Cthon98> hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
<Cthon98> ********* see!
<AzureDiamond> hunter2
<AzureDiamond> doesnt look like stars to me
<Cthon98> <AzureDiamond> *******
<Cthon98> thats what I see
<AzureDiamond> oh, really?
<Cthon98> Absolutely
<AzureDiamond> you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
<AzureDiamond> haha, does that look funny to you?
<Cthon98> lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
<Cthon98> yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> awesome!
<AzureDiamond> wait, how do you know my pw?
<Cthon98> er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
<AzureDiamond> oh, ok.
Once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot xxx galore'. While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour, " 'Tis not possible!", i muttered, " give me back my free hardcore!"..... quoth the server, 404.

User avatar
Mews
Legendary
Posts:2155
Joined:07 Oct 2007, 19:47
Location:Melbourne, New Zealand.

Re: FML

Post by Mews » 28 Sep 2009, 16:42

Bash.org is winrar.

http://www.bash.org/?602698 <--- one of my favourites. Bitch got owned.
Having an abundance of platonic relationships reminiscent of my man, Mike Plato.

All that's left is a beautiful hour
And it's ours, ours.


The pale blue dot.

User avatar
Mews
Legendary
Posts:2155
Joined:07 Oct 2007, 19:47
Location:Melbourne, New Zealand.

Re: FML

Post by Mews » 10 Oct 2009, 03:18

Today, I went to the gym to try to get into shape. I pulled a muscle taking my sweater off in the locker room. FML
Just, don't even try dude.
Having an abundance of platonic relationships reminiscent of my man, Mike Plato.

All that's left is a beautiful hour
And it's ours, ours.


The pale blue dot.

User avatar
Naoru
Epic
Posts:578
Joined:07 Aug 2007, 03:56
Location:Foootascraaay! Melbourne
Contact:

Re: FML

Post by Naoru » 18 Oct 2009, 21:49

Today, I stumbled upon my girlfriend's Twitter account that I didn't know existed. A recent entry states that living with me is pathetic; "it's just that the current economical situation doesn't leave her with many options." FML

Lol
Chain Heal is what Prayer Of Mending wants to be when it grows up... = P Silly priests

Image

Karjalan
Legendary
Posts:4622
Joined:24 May 2007, 17:01
Location:New Fucking Zealand

Re: FML

Post by Karjalan » 18 Oct 2009, 22:01

Mews wrote:Bash.org is winrar.

http://www.bash.org/?602698 <--- one of my favourites. Bitch got owned.
Hahaha, stupid bitch
"2+2 is 4"
Barney, the Dinosaur

Xact
Legendary
Posts:3635
Joined:07 Sep 2006, 12:02
Location:Victoria, Australia

Re: FML

Post by Xact » 13 Nov 2009, 16:28

Quiet enjoyed this one

Code: Select all

<DeadMansHand> haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
<DeadMansHand> we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
<DeadMansHand> took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
<DeadMansHand> i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
<DeadMansHand> What'd he say when he woke up this morning?
<Thirteen-> uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
<DeadMansHand> holy fuck.
<DeadMansHand> i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
<DeadMansHand> im fucking going back to the beach to make sure
<DeadMansHand> if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this
<Thirteen-> will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
<Tyran> wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day
<Thirteen-> haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)
<PeteRepeat> fucking ken
<PeteRepeat> ken... that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
<quiqsilver> pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.
<PeteRepeat> oh fuck.
<PeteRepeat> if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
<Thirteen-> rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
<Tyran> i can't beleive how perfect their timing was

User avatar
Mews
Legendary
Posts:2155
Joined:07 Oct 2007, 19:47
Location:Melbourne, New Zealand.

Re: FML

Post by Mews » 19 Nov 2009, 18:54

Today, I found out I will not be getting my class ring. The jeweler has a policy against doing engravings that contain “obscene or offensive language or phrases”. What obscene phrase did I want? My initials and year. W.T.F. 2010. FML
WTF?
Having an abundance of platonic relationships reminiscent of my man, Mike Plato.

All that's left is a beautiful hour
And it's ours, ours.


The pale blue dot.

User avatar
Dropdeadqt
Legendary
Posts:4895
Joined:05 Nov 2007, 01:27
Location:Brisbane

Re: FML

Post by Dropdeadqt » 19 Nov 2009, 21:25

William Tells Father?
Image

User avatar
Mews
Legendary
Posts:2155
Joined:07 Oct 2007, 19:47
Location:Melbourne, New Zealand.

Re: FML

Post by Mews » 23 Nov 2009, 10:07

Why Twilight is bad.
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Having an abundance of platonic relationships reminiscent of my man, Mike Plato.

All that's left is a beautiful hour
And it's ours, ours.


The pale blue dot.

User avatar
Vampirial
Legendary
Posts:1790
Joined:16 Mar 2007, 08:54
Location:Brisbane

Re: FML

Post by Vampirial » 23 Nov 2009, 11:17

Mews wrote:Why Twilight is bad.
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
I'd say its why drunken sex is bad. I"d love to see him explain that one to his workplace.
Caught a lite sneeze
Dreamed a little dream
Made my own pretty hate machine

Xact
Legendary
Posts:3635
Joined:07 Sep 2006, 12:02
Location:Victoria, Australia

Re: FML

Post by Xact » 26 Nov 2009, 16:43

<third_planet> The other night my friend had some pot and wanted me to smoke it with him, but we had nowhere to smoke it because both our parents were home.
<third-planet> So we drove around looking for a place to park so we could smoke in the car.
<third-planet> We eventually settled on a Wendys parking lot..
<Mr-Butlertron> The logic is all there...
<third-planet> I know, it was a ridiculous idea. We were just desperate and that was the first place to pull off..
<third-planet> So we park in the back of the parking lot under this tree, and it's dark out, so we figure we're secluded enough. We start to light up and a cop pulls in. So we both sit really still and hope the cop will think the car is empty and just parked there. Or that he won't notice.
<third-planet> The cop circles the parking lot once, then parks behind us and we're both freaking out. So Bobby, my friend, takes all the pot and shoves it in the glove compartment. But the car smells like pot, so we figure we're busted.
<third-planet> So Bobby says we've gotta distract the cop from the pot. In a huge flash, he rips his shirt off, undoes my pants and sticks his hand inside. Before I can process what's happening, the cop knocks on my window. Then he looks in and sees Bobby shirtless, with his hand down my pants and turns bright red.
<third-planet> I roll my window down and the cop says in this really flustered voice, his face bright red, "you guys be good now" and walks quickly back to his car and drives off.
<third-planet> He didn't even notice the smell of pot.
<third-planet> We drove home in the most uncomfortable fucking silence ever.

Xact
Legendary
Posts:3635
Joined:07 Sep 2006, 12:02
Location:Victoria, Australia

Re: FML

Post by Xact » 26 Nov 2009, 16:50

<karlmex> So a friend of mine got back from Amsterdam a few months back, after spending a stint there with a bunch of his mates. Told me quite possibly one of the funniest stories I’ve heard. They had picked up some shrooms and acid, and decided to take it in the wee hours of the morning, and spend the day exploring the city while they tripped…sure enough 20min into it, one of the group vanishes. So, after 7 or so hours of struggling to search for their lost friend, they decide it’d be best to head back to their hotel, sober up, regroup, and go looking when the gears worn off and they’d be of more use.
<tubs> lol k
<karlmex> Anyway, upon arrival at the hotel, surprise suprise they find their friend standing in the lobby, dazed and staring at the ceiling muttering to himself. Understandably they were all pissed off with him for making them worry and bringing their trip down as a result of their half assed search. However all the friend can reply with is “this fucking town is full of gremlins!”… They tried to calm him down and tell him that it was the acid making him hallucinate, to which he replied “I knew you’d say that so I captured one and locked it in the bathroom…”
<tubs> lol?
<karlmex> as you’d expect they thought he was losing the plot, but he insisted they come to his room and look for themselves. So, they head to the room, and sure enough, the bathroom door is baracaded shut with chairs, lamps, mattress and the bed…they're getting a little worried now, so they cautiously move the furniture away and inch the door open…
<tubs> and??
<karlmex> ...Laying on the floor is a 10 year old kid with Down syndrome grinning ear to ear.
<tubs> lol dude that's fucked up
<karlmex> The mate had come across one of those outing groups or retarded kids - freaked out, balled up one of those poor little bastards carried him back to the room and locked him in the bathroom for proof…
<tubs> lol god man
<karlmex> anyway, luckily the kid had one of those ID cards saying “hi my name is Ted, I live at blah blah” lol so yea, took the poor kid to the lobby, called the cops and did a runner before they arrived lol.
<MftS> Who the fuck is the one naming hurricanes?
<MftS> They somehow manage to give them the least threatening names ever.
<MftS> If I turned on the news and heard that Hurricane Erin was coming I'd think to myself, "Erin? I could take that slut."
<MftS> If I turned on the news and heard that Hurricane Dicksmasher was approaching, I'd grab all the money in the house, shove it in my pockets, and get the fuck out of there.
Need to try this one:
<balls> OMFG
<balls> telemarketer calls today, offering me a piece of crap credit card. i said hold on, i'll get my mom
<balls> i wait about 20 seconds then play never gonna give you up.
<balls> they hung up after about a minute of screaming "hello? hello? hello?"
<balls> i rickroll'd a fucking telemarketer
<PetTeacher> If you could fight any celebrity who would it be?
<C0pp4F33l> michael flatly
<Protegemoi> ugh... Paris Hilton definitely
<Exostetic> Stephen Hawking.
<Anonymous> Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it.
<Anonymous> Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shit’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “SHIT! SHIT!.” Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! FUCK!.” By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.
<Anonymous> Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m FUCKING HIV POSITIVE.”
<Anonymous> And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is.
<Anonymous> I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.

User avatar
Dropdeadqt
Legendary
Posts:4895
Joined:05 Nov 2007, 01:27
Location:Brisbane

Re: FML

Post by Dropdeadqt » 26 Nov 2009, 17:15

<Anonymous> Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it.
<Anonymous> Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shit’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “SHIT! SHIT!.” Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! FUCK!.” By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.
<Anonymous> Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m FUCKING HIV POSITIVE.”
<Anonymous> And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is.
<Anonymous> I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.
Quite possibly the worst and greatest story EVER...
Image

User avatar
Kayleb
Epic
Posts:920
Joined:15 Jun 2008, 18:57
Location:THE PERTH! W.A.

Re: FML

Post by Kayleb » 26 Nov 2009, 18:14

Pure gold Xact, lol'd my day... and never gonna give you up
Dr. Emmett Brown wrote: If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour... you're gonna see some serious shit.
P.s. I<3 Penny Kari 'nique

Post Reply