It might be best to not upset the Human Resources Department

[Lellybaby]

Subject: Xmas Party memo


FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 4 November 06

RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on
December 22nd, starting at noon in the private party room of the Grill
House Restaurant. There will be a no-host bar with plenty of booze! We'll also
have a small live band playing traditional carols (please feel free to sing
along).

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Don't be surprised if the CEO shows
up dressed as Santa Claus! Exchange of gifts among employees will also
happen at that time, but no gift should be over $10.00 to make it easy on
everyone's wallet.

This gathering is for employees only! Be prepared! The CEO will make a
special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your family!

Pauline
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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 5 November 06

RE: Holiday Party

I¹m so sorry! In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday and often
coincides with Christmas, just not this year. Just the same, from now on,
we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same consideration applies to any
of the other employees who are not Christians. So, there will be no
Christmas tree or Christmas carols. We will have other types of music for
your enjoyment. Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Pauline.

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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 6 November 06

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received ed from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name! I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
Only," you won't be anonymous anymore! How am I supposed to handle this? By
the way, forget about the gift exchange! No gift exchange will be allowed
since Union officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management
believes $10.00 is a little cheap. So, THE GIFT EXCHANGE IS CANCELLED!!

Pauline.

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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 7 November 06

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
daytime luncheon this time of year does not accommodate the beliefs of our
Muslim employees. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off serving your meal
until it gets dark, or else package everything up for you to take home in a
little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members
of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant
women will get the table closest to the toilets.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other but lesbians do not have to sit
with
the gay men. Each group will have its own table. Yes, there will be flower
arrangements for the gay men's table, too. And to the person asking
permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed!

In addition, we will have booster seats for short people, and low-fat food
will be available for those on a diet. Since we cannot control the salt
content of the food, we suggest those people with high blood pressure
actually taste the food first. There will be fresh fruit available for
diabetics since the restaurant cannot provide sugar-free desserts.

Did I miss anything???

Pauline.

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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All F****** Employees

DATE: 8 November 06

RE: The ******** Holiday Party.

I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at
the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the
table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it. You'll
get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know
tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard
them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Go ahead, drink, drive and die!!!

Pauline, the Bitch from HELL

--------------------------------------------------------------


FROM: John Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: 9 November 06

RE: Pauline Lewis and the Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy
recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the
meantime, Management has decided to cancel the party. Happy Holidays,
anyway!

[Kayleb]

zomg lawl

[Takius]

There no way thats real. And it thats real then Pauline got exactly what she deserved by working in HR.

[Cartollomew]

There no way thats real. And it thats real then Pauline got exactly what she deserved by working in HR.

No... it's an email joke making use of reductio ad absurdum to try to demonstrate that "political correctness" has "gone mad".

It hasn't, but that doesn't make the joke any less funny, or the phrase "happy holidays" any less abhorrant.