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Risq: A story of a Gnome.

Posted: 31 Oct 2007, 17:23
by Sapherix
Shade of Akama


Molotov has killed the Shade of Akama, and saved Akama from an untimely demise. But why would a group of adventurers care so much as to risk life and limb to intervene in what appeared to be destiny? To answer this question we must delve deep into the ethos of the guild, and into the psyche of its members.

Molotov doesn't much believe in destiny. We are riders on the storm, or feathers in a breeze. Floating along with our futures shaped by external forces, but equally able to fight, and resist to turn our ideas and dreams into existence. No man is an island, and every man is influenced by many forces, but every man always has a choice. Choice is everywhere, and the choices you make, shape your future. Predetermined fate, or destiny removes the responsibility for your choices and rather then being a feather on a breeze, it implies you are a train on a track. A road to nowhere? Possibly. Life is a ride either way, but we prefer to see that you are the driver.

So when we happened upon Akama, seemingly in a bind, we made the choice to intervene for the sake of justice, and purple loots. 24 focused raiders, and a token drunk warlock in pvp gear fought an urgent battle to save Akama. Like a scene out of those old horror movies where someone is tied to a conveyor belt sliding towards a spinning saw blade, it was a race against time. We won though. Akama was saved and the Shade was defeated.

Akama was very grateful for sparing his life, and shared with us some epic armours, which we politely handed to one of our enchanters to shard when Akama wasn't looking.

After the back slapping and circle jerking had died down, and the drunken warlock had hearthed to continue questing in Arathi Basin, Akama turned to Risq and said "Thank you young Gnome. You may not believe in destiny, but I do. I knew you would come for me in my darkest hour. Our destinies have been intertwined this lifetime, and I have part of the answer that you seek."

Risq was a little flustered at this seemingly random comment.

"I know who your daddy is, and I know what he does." Said Akama.

With no sense of timing, Sapherix interjected into the conversation with spam.

Sapherix loves Xinne
Sapherix loves Xinne
Sapherix loves Xinne
Sapherix loves Xinne
Which started Karjalan off
Karjalan loves Xinne more
Karjalan loves Xinne more
Karjalan loves Xinne more

The buxom and vivacious paladin always had so many admirers. She simply rolled her eyes and smiled at the attention whilst playfully curling her dark locks around her finger.

Risq focused intently on Akama. "oh?"

Akama continued. "Young Gnome. I do not know all the answers to your questions. I do know the next part of your journey though. You must seek out Teron Gorefiend."

"I see."

Risq looked dejected as she'd hoped for more of an insight into her past then that. "Well i guess that's where I must head next." Turning back to her party of adventurers she asked hopefully, "will you guys join me in my search for this Teron Gorefiend?"

We looked around quizzically at each other. Plastique finally spoke up. "Sure. I mean, we were going to take a couple of cartons beer out to the front of SSC and go fishing all night.....but.....I guess we can come help."

Teron Gorefiend


Risq was very introverted on the way to Teron Gorefiend. Lost deep in thoughts of her past. She remembers being raised by her mother just outside Gnomeragan. She had a happy childhood, but always felt empty at never having known her father. Her mother refused to answer any questions and this left Risq even more confused. As a young Gnome she would never engage in the traditional interests of young Gnome girls. She felt much more at home playing with sorcery and learning the secrets of war. She pushed herself hard with her studies. She almost felt that if she could be a famous sorceress and skilled combatant, that her daddy would come back for her.

As an adolescent, Risq had a strange experience that altered her life. Whilst praying one evening in a Gnomish monastary, she suddenly felt very faint and dizzy. The room started to swirl and her vision blurred. A painting above the altar started to smile softly. It was a painting of the oldest known Gnome, the great Erbag. Suddenly words began to form in Risq's thoughts that were not her own. "Young one, there is much fire in your soul, but also a deep longing. The answers you need will not be found in this small village. You must head out into the great expanses of Azeroth and find them." Risq collapsed.

Risq remembers that day like it was yesterday. She had come far, and for the first time in a long time, she felt her journey had direction. She must find this Teron Gorefiend.

After clearing through hours of minions, we arrived at Gorefiend. We could have made it much quicker, but we took a wrong turn and got lost. Gankiest, our trusty hunter guide was leading us, but he refused to stop and ask for directions. Men.

Teron Gorefiend was an ugly brute. We'd hoped for a warm reception, but he was less then hospitable. He snarled at us and called us "newbs". We assured him that we meant no harm and simply wanted to ask a few questions and then steal his gold and some items. "I can see the future, and there is far more pain and agony in mine if i part with the secret, then anything you newbs can do to me." He growled menacingly and bellowed "Let's dance." He launched himself at our tank, Gelatto.

"You may not believe in destiny Molotov, but I can see the future and you are destined to die." He pointed at Karjalan and said "Your fate is death!" Suddenly a skull appeared above karj's head and he got an overwhelming sense that he was going to die in 60 seconds.

We managed to overcome Teron, but not before he sentenced many of our allies to die. As our paladins and priests were busy tending to the dead, with one final burst of energy, Teron raised his head and looked squarely at Risq.

"I can see the strength in you young one. I knew it when you entered the room. I have seen through your eyes that the might of Magtheridon has fallen to your hands. You must head out to Mount Hyjal. The Pit Lord called 'Azgalor' holds the answer to your questions. I can see your future young adventurers, and it's going to be Tearful."

With that he passed away. Plastique reached into his pockets and with the timing of a poetic clown exclaimed "Zomg Epix."



When she grew older, Risq joined a group of adventurers called Molotov. It was a nice guild really, filled with mages, warriors, hunters, rogues, priests, paladins, druids, shaman and other warlocks. Risq had a good time adventuring in Serpentshrine Cavern, Tempest Keep, and Black Temple, but really disliked the smaller places like Karazhan. Risq had became a very reliable affliction warlock and soon became reknowned for her ability to curse and debuff multiple enemies at once. As much fun as she had adventuring though, she still always felt a certain loneliness. Something was missing.

Molotov arrived back at Mount Hyjal to seek out Azgalor. Other accounts have called Azgalor a loot piñata. That confuses me. A piñata is a bright container generally suspended on a rope from a tree branch or ceiling that is filled with candy and toys and is used during celebrations. A succession of blindfolded, stick-wielding children and some-fun loving adults will then try to break the piñata in order to collect the candy inside of it. I am sorry, but Azgalor certainly does NOT fit that definition; Azgalor is more like a dragon, with a huge sword.

Waves of trash spewed forth at us. We battled bravely, always teetering on the edge of being overwhelmed and overrun. Using all of the spells in her arsenal, Risq was a Gnome on a mission. Fearing, banishing, cursing, she lead from the front. Finally the trash mobs subsided and we took a chance to drink.

Soon the ground started shaking beneath us as a behemoth drew closer. The pounding of the ground as it took each step, grew greater and louder. We knew it was coming for us.

"Hold me Risq, I'm scared" I said.
Risq wrapped both of her arms around my arm in an awkward fashion. Not surprisingly it offered little solace, but the look in the brave Gnomes' eyes was enough for all Molotov members to draw courage from.

The beast appeared in view. A disgustingly huge demon with a sword that dwarfed our dwarven tank. That's a double dwarfing, which means he was very small by comparison.

"Turn back now and save your souls. What you seek you must not know. I give my life gladly to protect it. Begone from my sight or face my wrath."

Risq bravely stood before the dragon. "I've come so far, tell me what i seek or you will die like those before you."

"Master Bloodboil ordered me to give you the option to flee. If it were up to me I'd be skinning your corpses already." With that he swung his huge sword at Risq. It came down hard against Ratholorn's shield. "Intervened bitch." Rath said. The battle began.

We battled from range. The beast seemed ill equipped to deal with our long range arsenal. The tactic worked and he fell in very short time.

We were confused. The prophet Gorefiend had said our near future would be "tearful", but this beast was a pushover. We pondered this. The rogues boiled thistle tea to see if they could find the answers in the tea leaves. The warlocks pulled out the Ouija board to ask the demonic presence for answers. No luck.

As Plastique finished her search of the corpse, a wry smile appeared on her face. "Tearful indeed." She pulled out two pieces of tier 6 armour. "Gorefiend had meant 'Tierful', or even 'Tier-6-ful'." We all chuckled at the realisation, except for Evilelmo, who had a confused look on her face. Suddenly she said "What?"

Hmm wait. Molotov includes both blind stick-wielders and fun-lovers. Azgalor broke and dropped loot which is very much like candy. Okay, okay, Azgalor is a piñata, but let's be clear about this: Azgalor is a demon (with a huge sword) piñata.

Gurtogg Bloodboil


"Well there's nothing to it. We must seek out Gurtogg Bloodboil. If he is so interested in keeping this secret from Risq then he must have the answers." Sorha concluded.

"Seriously, my Dad is a drawf who drinks a lot of Thunderbrew beer, and spends far too much time at the brewfest each year. Why are we having foes appear out of nowhere trying to take my head off to prevent us finding out who Risq's dad is?" Said Fabella.

"I don't know but they think it's worth keeping secret. Risq needs to know so we owe it to her to help her find out." Said Ratholorn.

"Not me" Said Halpo. "I'm not risking my life, I'm off to pvp." Rath scowled at her. "Just kidding, just kidding...I'm coming. But seriously, if we get in trouble I'm going to feign death and you guys are on your own."

Back in Black....Temple. Gurtogg's minions are quite weak and very few. This can be an ominous sign sometimes. Many of the toughest bosses do not need an army of minions to protect them. Think Vaelastrasz for example. Molotov adventurers arrived at a beautiful room filled with flowing waterfalls and tiled throughout. In the room we spied a brawler and a combatant dueling over and over.

"50g that the combatant wins" said Nubkin.

"Silly don't you know that brawler>combatant. It's like paper, scissors, rock." Said Viffeny.

"Not this time, this combatant has mad skills." said Nubkin.

We watched the duel.

"Okay, okay....double or nothing?" Said Nubkin. Viffeny rolled her eyes.

Johnnyrico interrupted their next duel with the old Molotov ambush tactic. Essentially Johnnyrico runs in and distracts all the enemies. We hide like cowards until he has them submitting to his charms, then we 'gank' them.

We sighted Gurtogg in the distance. He was reading a book. Lelandra casted farsight. "Yes, just as i suspected, he's reading Ulysses by James Joyce. The beast has good taste."

Gurtogg looked up and spotted us. "I've been expecting you." He placed a bookmark in his book and stood up. "I could ask you to tuck tail and give up, but you have come this far and I'm sure mere words will not deter you. What I have for you is much more terrifying then words so we will see just how badly you need your answers."

As is customary before a battle, we sat down and prepared ourselves. We drank potions and flasks, put on our armours and got ready for battle. Gurtogg allowed us this time, it was part of battle etiquette. He prepared himself by rubbing baby oil over his body. We asked no questions.

"Shall we?" he asked.

"Dooch is AFK, and Doomcaller has gone for a bio behind one of the pillars." Said Gelatto. "Okay now we're ready."

We faced off against the beast. He launched himself at our tanks. Acid, cleaves, boiling blood spraying everywhere. He was a formidable foe.

He winked at Gelatto. "You think I'm going to just stand here and hit you? Watch this." Gurtogg launched himself at the Molotov rogue Derelictfrog. Froggie hit evasion and our healers did their best. It was a tactic we had not seen before. He had us on the back foot.

The battle wore on. Gurtogg was beginning to falter. We saw the weakness and rallied. He was nearly defeated.

"You must not know!" He blurted suddenly and tore away from our tank and headed straight for Risq. Risq cast drain life in a hope to stay alive. She gritted her teeth. All our paladins dropped Lay on Hands on Risq.

Gurtogg stumbled and fell. Defeated. "I did my best my Lord. I have failed you. I only hope for your sake, that Archimonde can stop them."

We licked our wounds and recovered. We stole his book and his other possessions, because thats the way we roll.

Battle weary, we move onwards. Archimonde is the final foe in Mount Hyjal. He will be the most difficult encounter we have faced thus far, but we must continue for the sake of Risq.

To be continued.


Posted: 31 Oct 2007, 17:39
by Sapherix
will finish it shortly...need more coffee IMO

Posted: 31 Oct 2007, 17:40
by Risq
RP much ?!

This needs to be followed up with archimonde endowing Risq with kick-ass WINGZ !

PS : zomg finish it already :o

Posted: 31 Oct 2007, 17:43
by Sapherix
shush love the attention.

the story isn't told yet...i can easily make it end in you getting violated by a pack of rabid be nice..:P

Posted: 31 Oct 2007, 17:43
by Xact
Wheres the end?

Re: Risq: A story of a Gnome making her way home.

Posted: 31 Oct 2007, 17:45
by Sapherix
Sapherix wrote:On the way to Azgalor Risq got violated by a pack of rabid banshees. It was tearful indeed.

The End.

Its been added.

Seriously, the kettle has only just finished boiling, and im simply saving in case i get blue screened or something and it disappears and i will cry...a lot.

hold your horses.

Posted: 31 Oct 2007, 17:51
by Lellybaby
wtb more Risq pre-story :D

I <3 it keep it up Saph

Posted: 31 Oct 2007, 17:54
by Karjalan
Saph the story would be better if she was violated by rabid Bunnies... need I remind you

/g (\__/)
/g (='.'=)
/g (")_(")

and the general size of a gnome to a bunny... XD

Posted: 31 Oct 2007, 18:18
by Johnnyrico
fucking awesome

lol RP

Posted: 31 Oct 2007, 18:32
by Sapherix
Risqybaby...i need the linkie to the screenie of you killing mags.

Posted: 31 Oct 2007, 18:43
by Sorha
I could have sworn Pit lords were demons not dragons :?

Posted: 31 Oct 2007, 18:47
by Sapherix
Sorha wrote:I could have sworn Pit lords were demons not dragons :?


Posted: 31 Oct 2007, 19:27
by Sapherix
Finished. Ill proof read it later on.

be gentle.

It's the best idea i could come up with. It was either write this or write a blog that contained 50 modern rock song titles and then offer a gold prize if ppl could find them all.....ill save that for when i really hit a block.

Posted: 31 Oct 2007, 20:15
by Rathollorn
WTB a kg of whatever the fuck it is you're smoking Saph!

Posted: 31 Oct 2007, 20:48
by Sapherix
I operate on a natural high...i swear...:D